Stuff

I am resisting the urge to yell at everyone and burst into tears. It feels like life is falling apart and no one cares and all they do is get mad at me for not paying attention to them. Just can’t handle it, leave me alone.

Dear tumblr,

I really need to say this cause it’s killing me inside a little bit, but I’m too chicken to tell anyone else. Last night I happened to be watching the news with my parents and I saw the most disturbing, horrible thing of my entire life. It completely destroyed me. My faith in the decency and goodness of mankind has been completely shattered and may never ever return.

Thanks for listening.

I am amazingly happy. Just wonderful. So I am going to type this up for the next time I’m sad.

I have a wonderful family, even though they may bug me sometimes they genuinely care about my well-being, and are always willing to help me if I need it.

I have an amazing boyfriend who cares about me, and is just a wonderful human being altogether. I am so happy to be with him.

I may not have a huge amount of friends, but the ones I DO talk to on a regular basis are lovely and fun.

I also like:

cuddling, kisses, hugs, kitties, sunshine, beaches, summer, vacations, oceans, parties, late nights, lazy days, cosy days, good conversation, good books, learning (select subjects), hot beverages, naked days, clothes fresh out of the dryer, helping people, nice gestures, celebrations, happy people, funny people, cheese and fat, deep conversations, the sound of lawn mowers, the smell of freshly cut grass, ice cream, hot showers, trees, flowers, birds, puppies and just general happiness.

I may not know how the rest of my life is going to go, but I know it’ll work out and I know I just need to enjoy the ride, always look for the bright side; the silver lining, keep moving forward, but take time to smell the flowers, and take that sad song and make it better.

Remember back in kindergarten when the teacher used to tell you everyone was good at something, but no one was good at everything? I have come to realize that I am good at nothing. All those years of believing I’d find something I truly excelled at are crashing and burning.

Sometimes the world just seems so utterly disgusting. I’m mainly feeling this way because I watched and read way to much news today. Embezzlement, death, murders, molestation; it makes you doubt humanity. Of course what I usually do to overcome this feeling is just avoid everything bad. This works in about the same way as if you were to lock yourself in a room. So I’d just like to make a pledge to myself via tumblr that in the future I will do everything in my power to make this a better place. In any way, shape or form. Anything. I’m not just going to bury myself in work, technology and material possessions like everyone else in our culture. I don’t care how much I get paid, be it $10.66 an hour or nothing. Our culture is so obsessed with money and the false sense of achievement it brings. Sure I look at a nice car with envy, but if I were to die tomorrow will I really wish that I still had that car? Or will I wish that instead of envying something so completely useless, I had instead spent that energy towards something actually meaningful. EVERYONE will die by the way. No exceptions. I wish people would wake up.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so fucking sensitive.

I feel like such a social pariah when I’m sad/angry. I’m not even sad/angry about anything, life is wonderful. Feel like I’m not allowed to be sad though. But life is wonderful. But sad. I wish it’d go away. Sigh thanks for listening to my ridiculous thought process tumblr.

Something someone said on facebook: “he makes people laugh cause everything he talks about is realistic and we can all resemble to it.”

NO. This physically hurts me, SO wrong. The word is RELATE. Gawd now I can finally sleep at night again.

Sometimes I get in this mood where all I feel like doing is dissapearing into a hole and seeing if anyone cares/notices.

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